As I sense anxiety darkness returning, this is for my fellow swimmers
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It should be noted that the very real concerns of women are often dismissed by health practitioners, but, in this case, my doctor was correct. I had a neurological condition, but it was one that impacted my mental rather than physical health.
It began long before my twenties, with the hypochondria that characterised that incident first emerging when I was a small child. It seemed manageable enough back then, but it really slammed me hard for the first time after I turned 12.
We had just moved to England, and I struggled to adapt to the change. I woke up one morning with a single frequency ringing in one ear. Over the next few days, it turned into a cacophony of sound from which there was no escape. I ground my teeth to distract from it, but I learned to cope in other ways too.
This was when I began counting things and patterns obsessively, washing my hands repeatedly (and according to a particular ritual), turning lights on and off a certain number of times when I entered or left a room and becoming wedged in thought loops for days on end.
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